Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
