Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
