He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
