man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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