Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
you win again, gameday.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
