That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
