PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
