Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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