She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
