I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
