2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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