thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
