So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
