I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
