you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
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