even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
