Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
