shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
