Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
