I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
