If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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