Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I've blown a few things in my day
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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