some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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