Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
