the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
