Duck Duck Cougar?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
