You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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