Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
