i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
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