I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
