im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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