I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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