You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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