I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
