so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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