Only a mothe r could love this liver
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
