I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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