Your face is a jimmy john
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
