the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
