I wish I could punch you in the face.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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