you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
