Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
