yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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