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Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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