Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
