I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Randomize
