So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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