I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
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