if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
