Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
