It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
