Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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