BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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