i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
