Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
