Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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