Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
