my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize
