Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
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Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
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He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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