HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
