I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
