i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
