i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
