I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
