spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
