At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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