Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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