I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
this beer tastes like vomit already
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
