tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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