She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
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