So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
40s are totally the cure
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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