Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
