Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
