oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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