And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
