Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
