i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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