He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
