The best revenge is premature balding
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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