does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
