bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
